Saturday, March 28, 2015

Two Weeks Later...Quantity vs. Quality...

So two weeks later and I'm still having pain in my chest, shoulders, arms and jaw.  I'm not stressing like I was. I'm taking breaks, I'm following my diet pretty well....I'm not smoking, Not drinking.

And I've gained to a personal high weight. 250.4 lbs. I couldn't even get my extra wide calf boots to zip up this morning.
Tomorrow morning I'm starting the 21 Day No Junk Food Challenge. I was going to start it on April 1st, but in light of my weight gain when I stepped on the scale this morning, I've decided to step it up to tomorrow morning.

I'm thinking that since I'm doing pretty much everything I can to lose weight and get healthy again, It has GOT to be weight gain due to menopause. Last year the doctor said I was in early stage......since then I haven't had a single flow in over 8 months. So as far as I can see, I'm in full Menopause Mode.

I'm miserable. I still have the symptoms of Aunt Flo's visit- but no actual bleeding. I hurt. OMG my joints hurt so badly I cry sometimes. I cant walk- my back spasms so badly I literally cant walk...and can barely stand. I'm tired all the time. Just walking down a flight of stairs and back up at work has me huffing and puffing so badly I cant hardly breathe. I have hot flushes- so bad I have a fan on my desk at work and have it blowing on me constantly all day long.  My entire body feels like it's made of lead. I'm miserable. absolutely miserable. I wake up 10 times a night and suffer from horrible nightmares when I do finally manage to get to sleep. I snore- so loudly my husband or I have taken to sleeping in separate bedrooms when we just cant deal with it loudly I wake myself up and when I do in that split second I hear just how LOUDLY I do sound. I'm quite honestly surprised the neighbors haven't complained.

I try to stay positive...I smile and try as best I can to act like everything is fine and I'm doing well and even if they aren't - the will get better, surely. But it's getting more and more difficult to hide the pain. From my hubby, from my bezzie, (who is an inspiration in determination and perseverance)....from my family, from even my office mates and my boss. I think they see the deterioration more than anyone else because I'm around them more than any of the others.

I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday to discuss these issues.  I'm going to ask about HRT. Up til now I have avoided HRT because there is a history of |Cancer in our family and there has been studies that suggest women who have a history of cancer in their family and taking HRT can increase the chances of getting it.
My thoughts have been to avoid taking it....however- at this point, my quality of life is on such a low level I'm willing to try it despite the consequences. My thoughts now are more I'd rather take the CHANE of developing cancer in the future if I can improve my quality of life until that point- because to be perfectly honest- if I'm going to be in this much pain for the rest of my life off the HRT- ......... well, let's just say it would make me very sad to live like this for the rest of my life.

So the question is- Quantity vs. Quality. How do you choose?

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

A Reminder.

Yesterday I had an episode at work.
I had really bad pains in my chest, I felt nauseous, my jaw was throbbing, my left arm was tingling and I felt fuzzy...lightheaded-disoriented.
I went outside for a few minutes as I've had a couple of episodes like this before but not nearly as painful.
It eased up a bit- so I went back inside but then  a few minutes after going back in- it started up again.

I don't mind saying it scared the heck out of me. I got up and walked down to my husbands department- stopping a couple of times along the way because my chest was hurting so bad. I was almost crying by the time I got downstairs to my husband who took one look at me and when I said "I think I need to go to the A&E" - asked no questions but grabbed his coat and took me straight there.

They took me straight back for an EEG as soon as they heard my symptoms and then brought me back to a room on the other side for blood work. After that was done they said I would be there probably at least overnight unless the test results came back negative for a heart attack. By this time the chest pain had eased to about a 3 on the pain scale- every 45 minutes or so it would go up to a 5 or 6 and then after a few minutes go back to a 3. They decided to move me up to a ward for the duration of my stay with them. So up to the ward they rolled me and there I stayed . Getting stuck numerous times for all the different tests...going to have x-rays done- and numerous EEG and EKG.

There was another factor that raised my stress levels as well.....There was a patient in the ward who in my opinion should have been on the psyche ward. He was in a hospital gown, but roaming the wards. Every 10 minutes he would come walking into the ward, pulling back the privacy curtains and opening the bathroom(loo) /shower room doors. He even was yelling in a strange mixture of English/German at the patients who tried to stop him from looking in their personal belongings as well as the nurses who tried to get him back into his bed. There was a security officer in the ward because of his behaviour but there may as well have been no one there- that guard was sat with his ass glued to a chair and his eyes closed like he was napping every single time I went past him on my way to another test.
I mean come on- think about it- you are in a hospital bed, naked except for that useless piece of clothing they call a GOWN, and you have a nutcase walking around pulling open your privacy curtains and coming in and plundering in your clothes and handbags? I took numerous photos of him and his very offensive behavior and made my thoughts on the matter perfectly clear after a couple of hours being on pins and needles and seeing the terrified looks on every ones faces. I was hurting and stressed and in no mood to hold back  and I told the nurses and the doctors who came in that they needed to get him in a bed away from everyone because as for me- he was making my stress levels elevate immensely and if he came near me there was going to be trouble. He got past them a few more times, but after that they were more vigilant in keeping him out of my ward which I think the other patients(all MUCH older than me) appreciated. I still wasn't comfortable, but I was less stressed than I was.

Anyway, so there was one positive to the event. As I was having a suspected heart attack, the hospital is a University Research Hospital and one of the research teams was developing and testing a two machines that would cut the time of a heart attack diagnosis from 2 to 3 hours to a scant 20 minutes. They wanted me to participate and I agreed- mainly because there is a history of heart disease on both sides of my family. I think if they had had this technology when my grandparents were alive both of my grandmothers would have been with us much longer than they were. And if I can contribute to the development of a machine that can give a quicker diagnosis and let people be treated sooner thus ensuring a bigger chance of surviving a heart attack and reducing the damage to their heart- I'll do it. Gladly. Maybe it will save one of my children or grandchildrens or even great-grandchildrens lives in the future. Who knows?!

So that research testing was completed at 8:30 PM- when they took the last of the blood tests needed to determine if I had had a hear attack. That test also takes 3 hours to develop results so I decided to try and nap while I waited. I was physically and mentally exhausted at this point and they were still coming in every hour for blood pressure checks and  just as I was nodding off they would come wake me up to ask if I was okay...No rest at all.

At 1AM the doctor finally came in and told me the tests had come back and it had NOT been a heart attack. They wasn't quite sure what exactly it was but they referred to it as a "heart related incident".
 If I had to try and diagnose myself, I would say it's what my Granny Miller had been diagnosed with..... Angina.
 I couldn't remember the name of it yesterday when they were taking the medical history- because I was so fuzzy and disoriented, but I remembered what it was called this morning when I got up and I googled it. Exact same symptoms except I was just a bit disoriented as well.
 I have to go to my doctor on the 31st so we will discuss it then.

Any who...They said they would be releasing me in the morning- but said I could leave then if I had a way home or someone to pick me up. They said normally they would just wait- but there was a bed shortage and if I wanted, I could leave then. It seemed like it took them forever to get the paperwork done after that, but long story short I was home by 2AM. I relaxed and got a drink of diet soda before heading to bed in the spare room so as to not wake my sweet sleeping husband in the master bedroom. Bless his heart- he takes such good care of me when I'm hurting and it's such a blessing to have him by my side. He is the love of my life. With all that went on yesterday I didn't get to sleep until close to 4AM, so rather than go in to work and stress myself out by being exhausted. I took the day off. I thought about going in at noon, but I think the full days rest will do me more good and I can go in tomorrow rested and be more productive.

So I've been to bed and slept a few more hours. I'm going to shower and have a bit of a healthy lunch and then I'm going to nap for a couple MORE hours. It was seriously a very exhausting day and night.

Oh- and the doctors suggestions health wise?.....Stop smoking COMPLETELY(even my lovely e-cig) try not to get too stressed- .......and lost a bit of weight.

Well, Duh.

So this same thing  just less painful happened a few years ago while I was still in the states. And the doctor then told me the exact same thing. so Sh-it just got real- this was a reminder that I need to get myself  healthy again. 

Your Body has ways to let you KNOW if you just pay attention....and if you dont- THIS kind of thing happens.

Saturday, March 14, 2015


And here it is almost a month later and I'm just now posting.

I've not had the best of it the past few weeks..I have managed to lose about 3 and a half pounds, but that's about all I can say.

I'm constantly tired and when I TRY to go for walks my back goes into spasms so bad I have to stop and I CRY. Yes- it really does hurt that much.

I know something is wrong. I went to the doctor and they're doing tests. or I should say have done tests. I should know the results of the first one by mid week. Because of where the pain is- I'm guessing my kidney function is well out of whack. I have alternate bouts of constipation and diarrhea. I do have IBS but the only time it flares up is when I eat foods with whole seeds or chunks of nuts in it. This is a totally different kind of hurting.

For the time being, I have started taking a multi-vitamin  and a B-complex supplement every day. Ive been taking them a couple of weeks and I can actually tell a difference this week in my energy levels. Good- I hope it keeps up- but the back/kidney thing isn't being helped by it. Honestly, it's just made me more frustrated because now I FEEL I have enough energy to exercise, but when I try my back seizes up and the pain is unbearable. I've complained about it so much my husband just thinks I'm putting it on now. I get so mad when he does that- How can I be putting it on when I'm breaking into a sweat and CRYING from the pain- to the point I have to stop and lean up against a wall or a post or anything to keep me from collapsing?

It's frustrating because after 5 or 10 minutes- the pain stops and I'm able to go on for about two blocks before it returns, but it's like turning a faucet on and's there full force or its not. No in between much- just on and off.

I hope I get this issue resolved soon. I really do.